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You’re stressed out by their argumentative behaviour. Their lack of empathy - when they started the process in the first place. 

They’re controlling and trying to get their way all the time. They may be being vengeful and you feel they are “out to get you” or perhaps they’re being passive aggressive.   In fact, you may recognise some of these traits in your behaviour if you’re honest with yourself. 

There are all types of emotions flying around during the divorce process for BOTH of you.

Your spouse will be going through pretty much the same emotions as you, even though he may have instigated the divorce in the first place.  

He may be at a different stage of the emotional process than you and want to move on more quickly, or he may be burying his head in the sand.  The thing is, he isn't you, and you cannot possibly predict how he is feeling, any more than he can predict how you are feeling.

The only person’s behaviour you can predict is your own.  You can only control what YOU do. 

You might be thinking “if I do this, it’ll make him do that”.  Don’t bank on it.  You are much better off using your energy wisely and productively rather than trying to second guess what he’ll do.

 So what can you do going forward?

 

 

 

Although you may feel like it, don’t do this!  This is not the way and could get you into a whole load of trouble!  

Instead, here are some tips on how to react that will get you where you want to be without having to be fuelled with resentment and anger:

  1. Don’t focus on what he does.  Focus on how you can react in the best way to get the best outcome for you.  
  2. Keep a diary and make notes of any problems that arise. Make sure you note the time and keep everything factual. 
  3. Do whatever it takes to keep calm.  Learn how to handle your emotions effectively so that you can concentrate on the outcome you want.  
  4. Make sure you are getting enough rest. If you’re finding it difficult to sleep, there are some great apps out there that you can listen to, to help you relax and drift off. 
  5. What if nothing works?  If he continues to be difficult, pursue bad behaviour with objective energy.  You can take action, refuse to be the victim and put yourself in the best position to succeed. 
  6. Get some support. You don’t have to do this on your own.  Click here to join our Facebook Group "Separation and Divorce Support", where we can answer any burning questions you have about the divorce process, give you general advice on your options and help you work with your emotions. 

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