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I’m in the Middle of the Divorce Process

Going through a divorce can feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster. And if you’ve ever been on roller coaster, you’ll know that once you’ve started the ride, you can’t stop it. You’re not able to put the brakes on and you have to carry on with the ride right through to the end.

during divorce coaching

Coaching during Divorce

I remember when I went on such a ride with my two boys. As the roller coaster took off, it was fine. I was a little apprehensive, but hey I could handle it. But as it speeded up, I started to feel sick, out of control, every twist and turn I thought I was going to fall out, I was scared that my boys would fall out and I was clinging on for dear life. My knuckles were white and my whole body was tensed up. My heart started beating faster and I found I was holding my breath! It seemed to me it would never end. I was silently begging the guy to stop the ride and wishing with every fibre in my body that it would end.

As soon as the ride stopped, I felt a huge sense of relief. I was so glad to be on the ground again! Gradually my body came back to normal and I was able to breathe properly again.

Now, my ride only lasted for around 6 minutes, if that. And once it was over and I was back on the ground my body soon felt normal again. But what if I had been forced to stay on that ride?

You’ve probably heard of “fight or flight” - our acute stress response. Where when we are in what we perceive to be a dangerous situation or when we feel we are being threatened, we are hard wired to react and get ready to fight or run away. This response kicks in whether we are in actual danger (such as about to be run over by a big red bus), when our perception is that we are not safe, (such as my example of my fear of the roller coaster), or where we are being threatened by someone else’s behaviour or response.

Being able to go into fight or flight mode is good - it helps keep us safe. But we cannot keep that heightened stress response going for long without it affecting our overall health.

The good news is, we can stop the emotional roller coaster at any time. Unlike being on a fairground ride, we can put the brake on ourselves. We can do that by using various techniques that will help us become calm and less anxious.

Making choices and decisions when you are upset and overwhelmed is not a good idea. Being organised, being able to control your emotions will make it so much easier for you.

Here’s a breathing technique that you can use any time you’re feeling stressed or anxious:

Take a Breathing Brake

  • Find a place where you can be quiet and not be disturbed for about 15 minutes.
  • Sit comfortably with both feet on the floor and your hands folded gently in your lap; or you can lie down on a bed or sofa.
  • Close your eyes.
  • Now focus your attention on your breathing.
  • Inhale deeply, through your nose, at the same time pushing your stomach out.
  • Once you have reached the height of your breath, silently count 1 & 2.
  • Then exhale through your mouth, silently counting to 5 as you do so.

Repeat this technique for 6 - 10 rounds and to feel calmer and quieten your mind. 

Now you’re feeling calmer and your mind is quieter, you can start to get clear on your next steps...

Book a Complimentary Session with me

During this complimentary 30 minute session you’ll get clear on what action you need to take now to help you handle your emotions and de-mystify the divorce process.

If you’re ready to learn how to acknowledge and manage your emotions and get clear on your next steps, Claim your complimentary session now

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